Spiritual Direction(s)

shine like the sun

2011-09-13T16:26:00.002-04:00

Working with people who are facing death, moving through their death and standing witness to this next to the people who loved them, or struggled with them, and who are left without them in their lives reminds me each time of this certain question. "If I knew I was dying today, how would I love differently?" Not a looking back kind of "how would I have loved differently".. but a present form of "How would I love differently right now and moving ahead?" On the day of death all else fades but love.. and why not now?
IT is an asking kind of prayer of immediacy. Yearning prayer.. to be transformed deeper. .. to the point that nothing stands in the way. Deepest compassion enter in. Welcome to your new home. Help me out with the "house" cleaning. It must shine like the sun.

One word of salt...

2011-05-24T17:16:00.002-04:00

If I had one word to speak
alone, it would be a cry
not a word,
a shriek of joy
and a hoot of owl

that speaks
to you and all
that I love,
with thanks.
----------------
How do you stick with my
impatient heart?
like glue made from
flour, and water, and
salt of the earth?

or of mud
or tentworms on a burning bush,
hidden, waiting, indestructible?
---------------
Theosis:
Prayer stretched worship
pulled our hearts
tight to its hoop,
and stitched us
back again
into ourselves in You.

sounds like grace: Sermon, Easter IV, Year A, 2011 - Hope

2011-05-19T09:44:00.000-04:00

sounds like grace: Sermon, Easter IV, Year A, 2011 - Hope

Bear tracks

2011-05-09T19:43:00.000-04:00

A Celtic Retreat weekend ended in coming across bear tracks and scat near my home. You can't get much more near to nature's edge than that. It was a thin space in its own way.
Moments of acute awareness, and forgetting of self, although I was not afraid in the least. Somehow it was just delightful. Crossing the divide between mind and Reality.

Rain is coming in for the next few days. At this moment there are the first drops of rain hitting the window, making speckled runs down the pane. It is finally warm, and the rain will be warm, and the earth is making deep sucking sounds that say, Amen.

Not much else to share.. but love for you all.

mid lent light

2011-04-06T20:13:00.001-04:00

Around the bend from darkness
you are here,
with all this sunshine
and early spring snow
that won't leave.

and then that voice last night
woke up my heart
keening
"You have been given
such a great love."

The deep yes of my heart
spoke back,
"what can I give
in return?"

What you are must always displease you.....

2011-02-21T18:24:00.001-05:00

"What you are must always displease you, if you would attain to that which you are not."
St. Augustine

Notice when you are displeased, feeling uncomfortable or dissapointed with self. It points the way to further transformation.
Ask: for the grace of understanding.

Be cautious with displeasure. We are good at making it an idol.
Ask often: "Where is the focus of my attention?"
      An Episcopal priest I know, The Rev. Greg Brown, suggests, "Attention is like currency. To what or whom are you paying your attention?"
Do not  hang on to displeasure, worrying it like a bleached bone.

Ask again: To whom am I paying my attention?
                To self, or to God?

Look with soft eyes upon what is offering the next step of your journey.
Ask: for it to be a gift of transformation....an offerring to God with thanksgiving, to be free to love self, others, and God more deeply.

Timed Light

2011-02-13T18:49:00.001-05:00

Here was the thought
at the end of the cloud bank.
Why this night,
this color of pink,
when the day was spent
all logy and full of not
knowing you?

Squeezed by light that
was hidden
until you spoke
it into being;
hosted
Grace joined
desire.

Epiphany..again and again...

2011-01-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

....to show
........make known
..reveal

....an event
..........a season
.................a message

The mission of the church to the world, through the Light of Christ.
Your mission as a member of the body... to the world .
Divinity expressed again and again,
lived out on earth through our covenant with God... bearing Gift's. ..
Love's pure light.....
revealed, shown, made known.

Blessings !

O'Antiphons

2010-12-15T11:53:00.001-05:00

The "O Antiphons," one of the oldest liturgical rituals

in the church, are prayed around the world during the

final days of Advent. For the seven days before

Christmas, we recall in these prayers a quality of

Christ that must be realized before the presence of

Christ can consume the world.

O'Antiphons

the end of summer

2010-09-01T21:48:00.000-04:00

It feels and looks like the beginning of the end of summer here in northern Michigan. 91 yesterday, 51 tonight. The season transition is a bit behind my finally touching ground on the greet leap of faith.
I feel like I have finally moved out of the transition time of the past three years. ..maybe more like 7.
All paths led to this moment, this work, these options. It is a slow process, but God is good and gracious.. and knows what He/She wants next for this one wild life.

Always ask how much more deeply you can be used for good in the world.
Always keep praying for more compassion. The opportunities to birth deeper love will be provided.
( noone is saying they won't squeeze and hurt, and it probably has alot to do with being shown where you are still hard of heart. But trust in the Grace that will be provided).
To bring forth a deeper kindness in others, offer them kindness from your own deep well. Visit your well daily and fill it from the bubbling spring that is always at prayer within you.

Start out slow..

2010-07-29T17:22:00.002-04:00

"Start out slow, and then taper off." (Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions)

Now that's a motto to listen, learn, and live by.

Praying in earnest for answers?
                Put it out there, slow it down, taper off on your own inner voice.
Sitting with a friend or child who is in need?
               Keep your own needs and answers on the back burner, ready to serve them up only if truly helpful for that person and not for your own need to be heard or to have an answer. Taper your own thoughts back and further back still., until you begin to hear the voice of God.

Facing an anxious situation? Slow it down... your voice, walk, thought. Don't rush ahead of Grace.

Get it off your chest .. to God..
Be sure of your intentions. Does it build up the Body of Christ? Or Is it a reflection of your own need for control, affection, or esteem?
Then face your answer, ask for your own healing, not the other persons.
For, what bothers us in others needs attention in ourselves....
until we can forgive and love and hold with compassion the needs and even the hurtful words of others.

That tight and angry feeling may be the tight squeeze of God pointing us towards our own troubled core that He wants to love and heal.
May God show you and me the blindspots that lead us to think we are already there.

Blessings,
Rosemary

Happy 4th of July 2010

2010-07-04T18:53:00.000-04:00

God is always calling us into deeper Freedom.

How will it feel?

2010-04-25T19:06:00.000-04:00

How will we know when we are fed?

How will it feel to be full of all S/He desires?

Like eating past full( it takes a good 10 minutes past the last chew to know),
we rush past,continuing to fill it up ourselves. Only to cover with our own,what was sweetly all, and enough.

Every essential need, given and fulfilled; at rest within.
Love what you discover or is yet unknown, with eyes of Mary.
You will know you are fed ,and full, and all is well.

2010-03-27T10:27:00.000-04:00

When we sit in the present we sit with God

and we are free,
free to respond in compassion to what is before us.
When we look back or forward
our distracted minds fear a waiting cross,
judge past choices.

The present moment, even those leading to a cross, known or unknown,
offers a gentle cloak of compassion,
for others, and for ourselves.
freedom lives in this moment,
in the Spirit.
God's spirit,
our own
resurrected again.

May you have a blessed Holy week.

March .....in like a small lion

2010-02-28T19:26:00.000-05:00

    Not sure if a light snow and a bit of freezing drizzle counts for coming in like a Lion, so I guess I would say it is coming in as a small playful lion cub, or a wily and beligerent lamb.
   The air feels softer and the snow is mushy, and that means we are out of the dead of winter. Spring is still a long way off.
   Lent is alot like what's happening under ground right about this time of the year. Bulbs are swelling, and straining for the warmth of Feb. light. The ground begins to warm just a bit.. All that can be in Easter is present and potential during Lent.. A participant at a retreat presentation I made yesterday reminded us all that if you push away the snow this time of year you will find actual green. Those daring Poppy's in particular.    Too soon.. but ever hopeful.
   Take a bit of time to check on what's happening deep in your heart. Examine your thoughts and intentions, your temptations and dreams, and let the Holy Spirit give you a glimpse of the party to be, and accept the invitation to make ready.

love

2010-02-14T13:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-01-01T16:26:00.000-05:00

New Year's Day brings fresh snow to the scene. Quiet, peaceful, stretch of day.
Not a thing we have to do or be or say to it.

2009-12-21T16:27:00.001-05:00

There is an old story about a Persian man named Khurram, whose wife promised to make his favorite dish which is filled with nuts. The man was excited about helping his wife in the kitchen. Happily he reached deep into the jar filled with nuts and grabbed as many as he could fit in his hand.

When he tried to pull his arm out of the jar, it was stuck. As hard as he pulled and twisted his arm, the jar would not release it. His wife pulled hard, but his arm remained stuck. They called out to their neighbors for help. One neighbor, named Jamal, came running over and asked how this had happened. With a voice filled with pain and frustration Khurram told his story.

“Oh, I know how to help you, but you must do exactly as I say,” said Jamal.

“Yes, I promise to do exactly as you say,” Khurram replied.

“Okay, then push your arm further into the jar.” Jamal requested.

Khurram thought the request was strange but he did as he was told. Jamal continue, “Now open your hand and drop the nuts you have been holding.” This upset Khurram, because he wanted his nuts for his favorite dish, but reluctantly he followed directions.

Jamal then said, “Make your hand very small and slowly pull your arm out of the jar.”

Khurram did as he was told and without any trouble he pulled his arm out of the jar. He said, “My arm is free now, but what about the nuts?”

Hearing this, Jamal tipped over the jar and let several nuts roll out onto a plate. Wide-eyed and with his mouth open in surprise, Khurram asked, “Are you a magician?’

God invites us to come closer; to enter into the jar of His delights, with all of the gusto of Khurram for his favorite dish, and with the wide eyed, open mouthed surprise of the Wise Men. We have witnessed the birth of Christ and the joy of Christmas. Our journey now is with our compassionate companion; our response is to come closer to God who is among and with us.

St, Ignatius of Loyola begins his Foundation to “The Spiritual Exercises” with: “God who loves us creates us and wants to share life with us forever.” He ends with this entreaty, “Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what leads to God’s deepening life in me.” When we turn toward and listen to the Holy Spirit, whose lessons often come in the form of our neighbor, we are led to God’s desires for us. When we seek to know an unknowable God we find that we are known deeply by Him.

Building the relationship is the essence of spiritual formation or transformation in Christ. We may want a relationship, but choosing what leads to its deepening is where we step up to the reality of a mature and growing relationship. We easily accept that God wants to share in our life. But this choice is about God’s life within us, and the sharing of our life together. The good and perfect message of the gospel is that God will take what we offer, and love us no less. The added gift is that God continues to invite us to come closer. And when we respond, within that choosing and sharing there is found less and less of our own life and more of His will, His work, His Love.

The Holy Spirit is our given teacher and guide for this journey, our neighbor with the gentle insight into our part of our relationship with God. To enter this path one can begin with praying simply for the desire to deepen your relationship with God. Then listen to the Spirit who is already at prayer within you. She is your teacher, and it will be given. You may be led to find a new prayer form, to take a class, begin spiritual direction, or simply to sit in silence. The response may come while in prayer, but it could be found in how you are responding to a busy intersection, to a co-worker, or during a bedtime story. Notice, listen, and welcome the message, and then choose to follow the new path before you.

With a commitment to ongoing formation of our spiritual selves, Graces so often hidden by our own tight grasp become visible, and like Jamal, we are able to tip the jar and receive a deeper knowledge of God, compassion for His creation, and faith for the journey. Whatever you choose to offer or begin this year in response to the God who loves and created you, may it be blessed beyond measure.

Peace~

Rosemary Hagan, D.Min

“God withholds Himself from no one who perseveres.” St. Teresa of Avila

Soul's Song

2009-11-22T17:25:00.001-05:00

56 degrees, nov. 22, sleeping bear point

..Listened deeply to my soul's song this last week.
Made a decision.
Stepped into Light and Love and completeness.

Most High and glorious God.
Enlighten the darkness of my heart,
and give me right faith, certain hope,
and perfect charity,
Wisom and understanding,
Lord, that I may carry out
Your holy and true will. Amen.
( St. Francis)

metanoia

2009-11-15T18:54:00.007-05:00

With the advent of hunting season we have changed our walking habits. We took the TART trail back in towards town from the DeYoung Farm of the Leelanau Conservancy. No chance of hunters, or at least less chance of a stray bullet.
It was a still cold November evening, with just a few stray souls out finishing their walk, hurrying to get back to their cars before total blackness, as the moon is hidden from view yet. Good to be on a different path, even walks can get into a rut, and we did not have to divert the dogs attention from walking past the field she always demands we step into to thrown the ball. She trotted along just as happy to be seeing and smelling something new as we were.
Noses cold and alert
Minds open
Hearts at peace
Quite the trio of new possibilities.

Repentence ~ turning away from, but also towards.... a new heart, a heart of love for self and other. Equal needs there.

Risking Exposure

2009-10-27T13:27:00.005-04:00

The asparagus fern I have not brought in yet is filled with colorful leaves. It looks like someone with long hair rolled in a pile of leaves. It will take a bit of brushing with fingers to untangle them.
Asparagus ferns have those little sharp spines that cut and poke. For all the beauty of this sight, there will be a bit of pain involved in removing the leaves.

We can leave ourselves out in the elements of life, where we might get tangled and scratched; the adornment of living fully engaged with others. Or, we can move inside, believing we can keep change from touching us, stepping away from others to what feels safe and warm, and apparently constant.
~
Let me be adorned
with your scarlet,
yellow
leaves of change,
risking exposure.

I'll come in when You
are good and ready.
when the street lights
come on.

Fully scraped
and ruddy cheeked,
rushing to your embrace.

passing reminder

2009-10-05T13:07:00.004-04:00

All week the fall sky held its images, experiences, and emotions.
Dark, brooding, rain soaked clouds right up against an intensely peaceful and deep blue sky.
Puffy white Cumulus racing in front of a smear of rain.
Another brought Grey, devoid of any message of what time it was.
An evening of sharp crisp air, and the moon and stars calling attention to what is beyond our knowing.

Nature and weather spoke:
"Here it is for you. All that you have known and not known. All that is dark and light. It has always been Her reminder of what is greater than your tears, and torments, your fine times that you thought were the source of your hope.
It is my offer of presence, which you so often forget is within.
Ah, you remember now... come with me."

inspiration from Gigi

2009-08-03T09:47:00.001-04:00

http://gigi-rose.blogspot.com/2009/08/still-reflecting-on-inspiration.html

Filled

2009-07-15T08:22:00.009-04:00

Waiting air and a sweetening of bird song
are dampened by the rushing wind.
Call for everyones attention!
My skirt flies a flag to begin the race.

The laundry cart folds into itself
Sailing across the lawn;
wheels dig the earth at my pull
and the bag fills to join the wind.

Bleached clothes pins pinch and fly
into a waiting nest,
filling the dish towel's hungry
rounded mouth.

Arms brim of towel and shirt,
sweet smell of sunripe sheets and ozone air.
Jeans pressed down to anchor a safe return,
my laugh adds a high note to the deep chord of thunder.

Harvest

2009-07-07T18:14:00.003-04:00

Beached at Carona del Mar

She had an eye for the pelicans
who seemed to bring weight
to the rock they occupy.

And she too spread out to warm
body and soul, as if
sinking into God's presence.

After melting, the keening
came along side; only feet away,
looking for a reed of thought;

as if to say you are not done yet.

all clear for landing

2009-06-28T17:47:00.007-04:00

Somehow, in the middle of my work for the ISD ending, and finishing the Doctorate, and moving into an abyss between old and new; a yet to be clear next phase of life- I lost all gumption to post anything. I would open it up and ..."Yup.. still nothing to say."

It appears the abyss or empty space between the two cliffs..( what took up day to day hours of employment ....to... ..new options yet unfolding) created a bit of empty mind.. A grace of quiet.

I took it at face value, decided not to force it .. and .. well, here I am again.

Today I thought I could see a bit of moss hanging off of the fast approaching lip of the cliff. Landing field in sight. Then I could begin to feel my toes touching the tips of blades of tall grass waving at me in the strong off shore breeze.

---------------------------------------------

The story of Heaven

2009-05-11T20:16:00.000-04:00

let your drama fall away, what ever its shape,
to become the oval form
of the bowl
that will hold
the deep well of empty.

hold it as a waiting room
expectant,
and let the visitor enter
who is already holding you in love.

you know Him.
She has been knocking and smiling
at your screen door,
as you swept your minds floor
with distracted
makings of story and need.

Decide before you open the door;
no need will be spoken
as you offer the seat of honor.
Let a gift be given ,
not of your thought.

Be willing to let empty be the gift.
Perhaps empty will tell us the story of heaven.

2009-04-14T21:46:00.001-04:00

Long time no post...

Patience and peace prevail over the changes in employment... gentle grace holds forth in the complete opposite of the weather we have been having.. and the patches of snow still on the ground.. April 14 !
The afternoon brought 50 degrees and a breeze that spoke of spring. I raked some of the yard, took a hike, and pondered the recent night vision/dream:
Turtle greets me (being held by someone) with its underbelly exposed.. legs outsplayed. A trusting and open posture.
Behing this, Bear stands upright with paws in same outstretched form... at the mouth of the cave.

That was it.. nothing more.. but it offers so much for these times of change. Relaxed, waiting, trusting, with new birth from the womb of Wisdom , yet to be.

going within, but for what purpose?

2009-03-07T19:15:00.001-05:00

This is the white sand that kisses
the smallest swell of
wave that pushed it
away and back.

There is the Pitcher that thistles
the azure eye of
sky that sees
it all and loves.

That is the cry that
begs of need, insistent.
Gulls are such urgent reminders,
the world is waiting.

What can I give?

2009-03-07T19:05:00.000-05:00

What can I give in turn for my life?

joy,
suffering,
devotion,
compassion,

desire,
emptying,
passion,
prayer,

not looking the other way.. but the way of the Other.

titmouse bravado.

2009-02-28T17:20:00.000-05:00

If the tufted titmouse thought is was a good time to head back north, who am I to doubt its wisdom?

Knowing God of our unknowing
bless the doubt
accompaning faith.

If welcomed, doubt takes a straight path to the heart of the matter. A fine-tooth comb of conscience, teasing out what's wanting to be noticed, known, and blessed in bright clear light.

So welcome whatever doubt you have visiting today; a Lenten visitor on your journey that might just point you towards north, towards a new understanding of self or God... towards spring.

when is it spring?

2009-02-16T19:15:00.000-05:00

When do you decide Spring has arrived? At the 45th parallel you can choose to believe it has begun even before the last horific winter storm, or two. "It's still light out, and it's 6 p.m.!" Or, 'I smelled a skunk this morning."

Sun slants not quite so sharply on the way to work now, with a bead on movin north again.

"The air feels balmy today. It's 26 degrees. "

I remember from growing up downstate Spring came in and simply stayed put. Flowers came up, maybe even in Feb. It grew steadily into itself. Up here, it takes a series of little steps, like stepping into the water at the lake a bit too early in the day, but by mid day you can walk right in. It will take a number of approximations of Spring to bring us to a day when we walk out the door into a settled spring.

Of course we either then have Spring that lasts until July, or Summer heats up in April.

Give and take, slow and steady; cold or balmy, we are not in control, let it come. It all belongs.

Winter storm is on its way...

e-lenten retreat

2009-01-27T20:02:00.001-05:00

http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/ecourses/ecourses.php?id=78&key=co

swamp walk

2009-01-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

I was in the woods on a snowshoe hike behind my house when I came upon three huge Cedars that recently fell over. They had spent scores of years thriving in the swamp .. and then their short little roots simply gave it up in a big wind. just those three .. no others that I could see in any direction.
They took a few little innocent bystanders over with them.. or almost.They are bent and compromised and will slowly meet the earth over some odd years.

Not sure why I record this.. other than they spoke to me of their grace and peace in this most likely abrupt change.

Peace be with you this evening as the arctic winds blow in. May you know that the change you seek or seek to avoid can provide a grace you could not see coming.

Finding

2008-12-30T18:06:00.000-05:00

Where you missed it
it stood with eyes downcast,
laughed out loud,
shone brightly,
fell to the earth.

Your heart closed
or opened,
but only to a skip of beat
making meaning.

Stand in compassion
hold it whole and ripe
expectant.
Then listen to the eyes,
watch the laugh,
reflect the brightness,
and fall with it to the earth.

CA would be nice..

2008-12-29T22:18:00.000-05:00

This lovely picture of Laura with the beautiful flowers behind her make getting through the long winter a bit easier.
it is howling out right now.. and icy cold.

Truth filled moment

2008-12-03T09:06:00.000-05:00

What do you feel inside today? A stirring, a dryness, an empty well? Perhaps a stone cold slab of fear or hunger?
Or are you standing in a rush of richness and joy?
All remain an invitation.

Can you stand in this moment with simple awareness, or thankfulness?

Joan Chitester, in her book of reflections upon the Psalms suggests, "Whatever has been, has been best for me; and for that I am always grateful."
Can you adjust your sight, your heart, to the emergence of even the possibility of 'always' grateful?

_____________
Offer a not so grateful experience to silence, with a desire to understand. Allow the space for understanding to emerge. This space is Hope..
Imagine a vessel, or even a hole in the ground, within which the gift may be placed.. and wait. It will come, and this is God's Love for you.
Bless the emotions of your own heart and mind that remain.. this choice is difficult dear one. This choice is your choice of Love.
_________________

Thanks for the visit

2008-12-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

We had such a ball in St. Louis. Thanksgiving was filled with eating pumpkin pie for breakfast, a hike around the area of the Arch, discovering a parade, and Mimosa's, and that was all before noon.

After a scrumptious turkey dinner that day.. ( second year Adam has taken the role of turkey and gravy King, and he is disserving of the title..see first pic.. it is amazingly browned.. he turns the whole turkey four times I believe)

We spent the next day at the Art Museum, the Zoo, and a bit of nighlife at a bowling alley and Irish pub. The next day brought a stop at a great Italian market in the "Hill" neighborhood, a Lebanese lunch and a bit of shopping , followed with wine and a super Italian dinner. I think I missed a day in there.. I know we did some napping and just shooting the bull, maybe that was one whole day. teehee

After a hair raising drive home ( for Greg.. as I slept most of the 12 hours for some reason) we were in bed by 8:30.

Thanks for the memories Gigi,Adam, Sarah. we love you.

mom and dad

thanks for the visual memories

2008-11-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

Vision is heading is super right direction.
Other than small amount of gas bubble remaining and a bit of shimmering I can now see quite well, all things considered. Much to be thankful for... and on top of the list is the oh' so wonderful and skilled surgeon of mine.. thank you. And, he has such a great manner.. a treat to be around.

Prayers of comfort and healing are requested for the family as our step father faces the challenges of stage IV lung cancer. Oh, Spirit of rest and peace be upon all who's health is in decline and those who care for them.

We travel to MO tomorrow and plan to stuff ourselves silly. We pray for safe travel to all who venture across fields to "grandmother's" houses.

And now on to laundry and painting the inside of our sleigh ( literally).

Lo-bear

2008-11-18T09:04:00.000-05:00

Lo-bear

Let Nothing Disturb You...

2008-11-16T21:03:00.000-05:00

We just got in from a blustery walk in the dark. ( thank you headlamps and cute little $1 flashlights Sarah picked up for Laura and Nate's reception). Due to hunting season we will do little day time walking for these next two weeks. But then, I love to walk in the dark .. with my eyes closed. It is really easy to relax and just trust in the dark. One can sense the sides of the road. Once there are snowbanks it is even easier. ( I don't go on for miles like that, just off and on while walking).
Isn't it interesting that it is easier to trust in the dark...find a balance, when I can not see anything around me or really where I am going.. than when I can see everything?

eye surgery

2008-11-10T14:20:00.000-05:00

I had my eye surgery a couple weeks ago, and all went well. It was also declared a fortuitous choice to not wait on the surgery, as we were able to prevent a detachment of the "worst kind". Not sure I want to know what that means, just thankful I answered the little nudge I kept receiving to move ahead with calling about the problem in the first place and the decision to not wait any longer on the surgery.
Recovery is not just about healing the surgery sight and all that went on in there, but is impacted by the random amount of time it will take for the gas bubble to disappear. It looks like it will be in the3-5 week time frame before I can see to return to work, drive??, read for more than a few minutes with one eye. It's all up in the air, but things are healing nicely and I am settling into being alone all day. Cocoa keeps me company.
Thank you to all who have provided support and love.

but for the asking

2008-11-05T19:46:00.000-05:00

The Raven craws at the day demanding its due;
without providing a lick of work,
it receives.
Coyotes sit in their cell
and then walk out
with a path unfolding.

I busy myself when there is no busy to do and wonder,
where is the filling for this space,
what's in the way?

If I do not see you tonight
in the eye of lost sunlight,
dust motes deepening the skyline beyond thought,
I will call you with a bright high yip.

I'll look out of one good eye
and while I listen to the sighing of your boughs,
heavy on the sandy ground,
I will ask for this grace.

2008-10-19T21:40:00.000-04:00

View out the backside of the house.. or why I love having so many BIG windows in my house.

This is actually past peak color. ..the color peaked last Monday about 1:00 p.m. I swear! If I had not been home for lunch I may have missed it. This pic shows how much the leaves have dropped since then.

We spent the afternoon tooling around Benzie county, one county SW of where we live. The Gazateer led us down newly discovered seasonal roads and we eventually found ourselves at the end of a road called Grace Road. Grace Rd. begins where Love Rd. ends. Honestly.. you can't make things like this up.
Grace Rd ends at Lake MI. Here is what was up with the crazy weather rushing/blowing in late fall today.

Merlin - swan song

2008-10-12T21:39:00.000-04:00

We were just sitting down to dinner when a loud whomp against the side of the house or the upstairs window caught our attention. As I looked outside a large bird fell into the lawn chair, flapped its wings a couple times and then lay still. Upon investigation we first thought is was a small hawk, but after a bit of research we found it was a Merlin, a small falcon. They dart in quick flight to catch small birds.. and that's when it met its Waterloo.... It was a beautiful bird.. its sweet small head lay twisted. It must have been a swift demise.. and for that only am I grateful.

I received a cool book of bird songs recently which contains each of about 300 bird's songs. The Merlin is listed and we played its call to honor its passing.
I had a sense of angels already singing over it... not even a sparrow is missed... and we added its song to the chorus.
No.. I did not take a picture of it.. Our science consultant at work asked me that right off.. or if I had put it into the freezer.

It appears the bird it was chasing got away....

Veni Sancte Spiritus!

2008-10-08T21:38:00.000-04:00

Come, Holy Spirit,
send forth the heavenly
radiance of your light.
Come, father of the poor,
come giver of gifts,
come, light of the heart.
Greatest comforter,
sweet guest of the soul,
sweet consolation.
In labor, rest,
in heat, temperance,
in tears, solace.
O most blessed light,
fill the inmost heart
of your faithful.
Without your divine will,
there is nothing in man,
nothing is harmless.
Wash that which is unclean,
water that which is dry,
heal that which is wounded.
Bend that which is inflexible,
warm that which is chilled,
make right that which is wrong.
Give to your faithful,
who rely on you,
the sevenfold gifts.
Give reward to virtue,
give salvation at our passing on,
give eternal joy.
Amen. Alleluia.

righteous snain

2008-10-01T19:55:00.000-04:00

We have this great phenomenon around here wherein it snows or rains while the sun is out.
What a great metaphor for the all-encompassing life; remembering the constant presence of the spirit - always at prayer within you...mixing it up with your daily experience, a promise of growth, light, and peace shining through the hard or dark times, or at least waiting in the wings.

Spirit of truth and love, offer to me this day a growing space within me where your light can be seen and felt... by me, through me, and for your world.
amen

just start

2008-09-21T21:52:00.000-04:00

Just have to start writing..
after long hiatus.. thinking of bringing blog to a quiet end.. but decide its usefulness to my own right brain trigger is worth hangin' on to.

weddding was glorious, elegant, and relaxed ..all at the same time. newlyweds look married ..somehow its makes a difference, I swear they came back from the honeymoon looking different, relaxed into their new roles as husband and wife. sweetness personified.
my left eye has gotten much worse.. losing vision, less light entering, vision distorted, aches all the time..accept, notice, move on, notice, accept, hey the right eye works fine, mourn, move on.. repeat

Note from my neighborhood this day: Community redefined itself today, with urgent need; and found one another linked beyond what we thought we had defended and created together, before this moment. Grace within fear, Love within the possible horrid moment of loss. Relief with finding what was missing. It is a good and right thing to know of the goodness within those who are living out their lives behind the walls and doors only feet away from where we sleep with arms thrown out from our covers.

love's response

2008-08-28T11:17:00.000-04:00

When can we say we took it in deeply enough to make a difference in our heart's?
At what point did we release and cooperate enough, or look away from our need, or the long neglected, hordid space within ourselves; that we took to be our right to keep from God, to allow a filling in, a troweled smooth depth of Love to take its place forever?

Can you remember it happening? Do we still hold back from what we do not understand?Yet somehow know more deeply than anything else we need?..This need is the inside out backside of God's desire for us.. to be whole, to be filled with Love to the point we have only compassion for self and others.. regardless of conflict, and in partnership with peace. This is my prayer's desire for you, and myself today.

Amen

2008-07-28T22:13:00.001-04:00

So after many years of putting old coffee grounds into my pots of Impatience on the back deck, the Racoons have decided it would be yummy to eat them... mixed with the dirt in the pots. Turn over each pot, dig out all flowers, eat dirt. A good nights work.

Tonight while putting everything back onto the front porch after painting the floor ( well almost finishing painting the floor) a pot of Impatience cracked while in my hand and, yup it all came tumbling out.

I enjoyed the repotting. hands in the dirt tending the shocked stems and buds. The day I pot all of the flowers is one of my favorite. And, now I got to do it all over again. Plus the ravens called out from the woods, and I could hear the stream down the hill, and the sidewalk was cool in the hot sun. It all sounds a bit syrupy sweet, I know.. But that is what it was.
And, I am grateful for the upheaval.

Last week the neighbor kids made a path down the back hill and cleared out a space to make Cocoa, our new puppy, a campsite. They cut down 15 little trees without asking, but then they are all under the age of 8.. so they didn't have a clue. And, while they could have been hurt, as the trees were slender but very tall....and it really is amazing what a 5 year old can do with a hack saw and some determination..they weren't. And, even though I wish they had not cut down the trees, I was down there today and it is pretty interesting little site. I think I may put a bench on it.I have always wanted one down the hill, and now it is clear where it should be.
Gratitude for the unexpected ..but as I can hear the Racoons screaming at each other down in the woods, I hope they remember they already cleaned out the coffee grounds.

Perfection

2008-07-18T09:17:00.000-04:00

That they may all be one, as You, Father,
are in me and I in You,
that they also may be in us
…that they may be brought
to perfection
as one.
John 17:21-22

This passage, viewed within a mindframe of seperateness from God seems a mere aspiration, requiring some depth of growth and action on our part, a kind of hoping on Jesus' part that we might "get it".

This passage viewed from within the realization of simultaneous unity and seperateness between ourselves and GOD , of the seperatness and unity of all matter and the void between all matter, offers a desire for us to remember the unity of ourselves with all others, and the uniqueness of our individual selves that blinds us from recognizing and understanding the holiness of that unity. We are being called to remember.

Invite the Word to re-remember itself within each cell of your being, with intention, and desire.
There, does it not find its place, its home?
Create more of these rememberings, more peptid dockings filled with Wisdom and Love. Creating a neural network stronger in Widsom and Love, and Perfection.
One by one, as one, brought to perfection.

Madrina/Padrino

2008-07-13T20:45:00.000-04:00

Greg and I became God-parents - Madrina and Padrino - to a lovely little 3 year old girl....whose name is Grace.

The invitation came as a complete surprise.. a request from a dear woman whom I have spent lovely hours with in a Women's Spiritual Direction group. Grace also was given a cultural god-mother who is from her country of birth, Guatemala. Grace's brother was baptised today as well, and there was a wonderful mix of N. American and Guatemalan faces present for the celebration, filing the day with lovely accents, Midwestern, both northern and southeast MI style, Eastern US, and Guatemalan. I am humbled with the gift to us of the invitation to support Grace in her spiritual growth.. throughout her life.

Within St. Ignatius's "The Spiritual Exercises", David Fleming ends his translation of the Principal and Foundation [23] with "I want and I choose what better leads to God's deepening life in me." This is a prayer of mine. Today the desire brought a gift. ..the gift of Grace..Grace Patricia Helene.

Such a simple request to ponder. What would better lead to God's deepening? How could we have imagined to ask for a little girl to pray for and support on the journey before her, and at this time in our lives?

Open Space

2008-07-02T07:46:00.000-04:00

A little girl found God's spirit in the empty space behind the barn on her grandparents farm. This was the wholly open space that made her sense of self so tiny it was clear there was nothing within that was not also of that open nothingness outside of self.

Unescapable Presence,
whether ego leads or prayerful
clearing of space allows,

sensed in that always following
waiting room,
next to my going it alone,

or on the found path as
space is cleared and reserved
for your offered graced;

Nothingness full of Everything,
you are there, within it all.
How would it be otherwise,
Holy Everything?

The Graces of Saturday morning on the porch swing.

2008-06-08T11:05:00.000-04:00

Me: Let me get a cup of coffee for you.
Him: No, let me get one for you.

Him: If only it could stay 8:00 a.m., Saturday morning.

That quietness of ear and spirit that holds the fullness of now.

Nevermind the fullness of the day yet to be.

Stay here.

what life is like with a puppy... we forgot

2008-06-03T21:52:00.000-04:00

We are not getting a whole lot accomplished around here with the new puppy demanding constant attention. If I was as attentive to and cognizant of God in my life as I am the puppy I would most likely have had a complete communion with the Spirit. :)

It gets easier everyday... but we still have an eagle eye on her ( or Cooper's Hawk eye), most moments.

Patience is the key attribute. Patience with the puppy. Patience with our remembering how to train a puppy.

Patience with wondering why the desires of my heart surrounding my work are taking a slow path that must include recognizing there is more to learn about myself before the manifestation of the Spirit's answer.

God is as active and present in our lives as the puppy is in our life, and our response to her. If we forget to listen to the yip that means "I need to go out." we end up with a mess, and a missed opportunity to praise her.

When we move away or turn away into ourselves instead of praising God for already being present in our situation, it can lead to dissapointment, discouragement.

Have patience with self and the situation at hand.
Turn back to praise for the expected good that awaits.

raptors, puppy, and awe

2008-05-24T21:34:00.000-04:00

We began the day in the yard.. with the puppy floating around us, until the repetitive cry of a Cooper's Hawk caught our attention. It seems it had designs on the new puppy, which is VERY little and it squirms around much like a rodent at times. It was a bit awe inspiring to look up at the hawk, and to hold the little dear 2 lb. Cocoa.

I say fear as in what the term fear can refer to when Scripture invites or inspires us to "fear the Lord". We are actually being reminded to be in "awe" of God.. Awe stemming from and growing out of the immense, unfathomable mystery of God; the power and glory of what we can only see and know dimly.

The puppy has brought such Joy into the house, and I am in awe at the beauty of the gift of this joy. We are filled with her energy. It is a simple, joyful energy that transcends mystery and becomes present within us.

The raptors intense ability to swoop down onto our puppy, and at 150 miles an hour, is unfathomable, and yet I could feel that power in its rasping cry overhead, incessant and piercing. It was energy transcending the air between us. And, that was a God moment, because we felt the presence of the mystery of nature within.

joy

2008-05-19T16:22:00.000-04:00

2008-05-19T16:21:00.000-04:00

Surrender

2008-05-09T22:14:00.000-04:00

I had a friend comment on a recent decision of mine, and shift within me, in terms of it being a surrender; in all of the positive sense a surrender can offer. A kind of stepping over the abyss to the other side when all had been worked within me by the Spirit to a readiness for change.

It is with hindsight, taken in mid flight across the abyss or at ones landing on the other side, that one can realize how Wisdom spoke and moved and had her being within the experience. And how faithful the Spirit is to itself to work towards good for those who love.

I could not choose a surrender of this nature. This type of surrender comes when the messages from the world speak loud and clear enough for me to 'get it" and push me to let go of what is holding back, while at the same time the gentle, soft action of the Spirit brings new options and even transforms emotions and attachments into a cloud that floats away.

"Give up beloved, and turn your life over to Him." But it seems the giving up partners with the workings of the universe, and then, when all is ready, the heart hears and understands what has been given.

just three things

2008-04-21T21:31:00.000-04:00

1. Everyone... check out Laura's blog:
http://laura-bear.blogspot.com/

2. 9:00 p.m. 73 degrees
the flowers coming up are just about out of winter's moisture from the soil to be able to continue with what they are meant to do.
northern michigan does not do spring rain ( ok, rarely, as referenced in previous posting.. and it rained for only a brief time)
there is only spring and summer draught with the occasional teasing storm that runs off or down or someplace quick enough through the sand to only make the plants gasp
"thank....s.... I think."

3. There was devotion offered in the way
he pushed the fertilizer spreader,
back and forth,
relaxed,
present

while the owl called,
too early for the evening.

2008-04-11T21:29:00.000-04:00

Can there be gift so sweet as to match the friend who speaks of her soul and how the blades of grass on a windy Irish hilltop nurtured?

A new friend who easily speaks of such things : the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.

Except for the voice of ones children... Can there be a sound as sweet as spring rain just before falling asleep?

spring, cycles, and true self..

2008-03-25T10:35:00.001-04:00

A snowstorm came blowin' through this morning. Big, fat flakes building up quickly. Winter is struggling to keep a hold on things, laying down its stuff all desperate and white, while at the same time the temperature keeps rising and that same stuff is melting underneath itself.

Makes me think of our busy-ness layed down over what is inevitable and already present. The Resurrection triumphs over our last ditch effort to stay on top, or to be in that gloomy "winter will never end" mood.

We are no different than the rest of nature. For new life we need the cycle of seeming to die, moving down into dormancy, struggling up to rebirth, and the short but marvelous summer of fullness presenting itself in thanksgiving.

The Spirit continues to invite us, day to day, year to year, to notice our false self layed down like snow over the heart; and then, with honesty and enough patience to not rush ahead of grace, we can hope to allow another piece of our truest self to grow into being.

May you seek or be found this spring by a new sense of your true self. May you, with patience, allow grace to work with your nature. Today I can be thankful for it all... because it really is melting out there.

Easter compass

2008-03-23T15:19:00.000-04:00

"You changed my mourning into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."
Psalm 30

Freedom came to rest
today in trees behind,
sun above,
road ahead,
beside you and I
forever.

Easter Eve

2008-03-22T16:45:00.000-04:00

My breath, your sanctuary
found empty.
Forgetting all signs,
symbols and
wonders locked away.

I knew of
Sunday's ribbon of joy,
and yet gasped
at this the deepest void.

Take my forgetting fear,
and trim it tight
to stories retold tonight,
and the alleluia
rising tomorrow.

Dear Record Eagle:

2008-03-17T20:50:00.000-04:00

( in answer to questions posed by The Record-Eagle)

As a Christian, and as a Spiritual Director, I take time regularly to be still, to pray and to contemplate, or notice where I am in relation to Christ, or the Spirit. Participating in the vigil enhances my experience of Holy week, but primarily I do it as an offering to God to be present through Christ’s time of persecution and suffering; to stand witness and not look away, to offer thanksgiving for the sacrifice made.
Anyone who has sat with someone during their last hours knows of how it can offer a time of closeness to the person dieing, and a time filled with what Christians call the Holy Spirit. It is often referred to as a “thin space.” Being quiet and alone in church for the vigil, especially at night, offers the opportunity of a quiet and often deeper contemplation of my relationship with God. Holy Week invites me to examine Christ’s last days and hours on earth; his betrayal, his persecution, his all too human request of God to spare him, and of course the crucifixion and his death. But the paradox, and God is always full of paradoxes, is to hold all of this up against His humbling himself to wash the feet of the disciples, and his offering to them, and us, of the greatest commandment, to "Love One Another”.

Considering Fronds of Palm

2008-03-15T09:17:00.000-04:00

Upon ground and suffering
yet to be,
cover the floor of eternity.

What will be,
welcome and compress;
loves entourage
does bless.

Its all the flip side
of joy to be,
no matter how difficult
to see.

The invitation of Light...

2008-03-04T11:18:00.000-05:00

Maybe it is because the sun is finally shining, or because I remembered that to be self-focused is to be moving away from the presence of the Spirit... but I seem to have moved out of a really sad portion of grieving over Maggie (Sheltie) dieing. Of course not spending an hour a night looking at YouTube videos of cute sheltie puppies helps the Affect too.

Was I becoming a bit too self focused or was it the natural process of grief?
Not allowing it to be grief was control.
God desires for us to be open to see and experience with His eyes, which is with the heart....to allow ourselves to be open to seeing a situation in a different way.. but in His time..
Light draws us out of ourselves.
Seeing with new eyes and a new heart is God's gift given ... but only when I could or was ready to take the focus off of myself.

Wisdom's gift

2008-02-19T21:51:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful dream gift the other night, of the offer of my grandfathers hand, and my own slipping into his. It was a Wisdom dream/vision gift from the Holy Spirit. It was the recreation of an actual moment from my childhood. I have not thought of this ever as an adult. I was reexperiencing my hand moving into his big, gentle hand. I knew in that split moment as I awoke slightly that I had been given a memory from deep within me to show and remind me of God's presence and protection. I am deeply thankful.

Wisdom waits
to break dark times,
blinds drawn by self.

Love and softness
wilt the dried,
tired distance
of self to God.

Benzie County

2008-02-13T19:16:00.001-05:00

Today I had one of my work days down in Benzie County. I attended the Executive and Fundraising committees for the Human Service Collaborative. One of my favorite groups to work with. I have been attending the collaborative for almost 10 years and every time I drive down, for this committee or the larger Collaborative meeting, or on my way out of Benzonia, I think..."I could live in this county." Now, don't get me wrong I LOVE Leelanau County.. love living here.. love the towns, and the absolutely drop dead views and zillion places to hike, swim ( yea white sand beaches), snowshoe ( right out the backdoor) etc. etc. outdoor list ....
.... but there is a quality to the people in Benzie county that is SO different from Leelanau and it goes without saying, different than Grand Traverse county.

Even though I desire to bridge the divide between myself and what is deemed the "OTHER", we are all predisposed, until we are united with the divine, to simply be seperate and different....goes without saying right? It's all in the honoring and appreciating and not getting bent out of shape or holier than thou about people different than ourselves. "It takes all kinds to make the world go'round."

Well, Benzie county?..... more poverty than you can shake a stick at.. loads of money there too..but grass roots interest in each other and for each other. Small businesspeople at the table with human service workers, bankers saying hello to farmers they actually know, judges stopping to chat with me, someone they don't know from Eve.
It's a friendly place with beautiful scenery, and I know when we have our fun-ride fundraiser this spring to raise money for families in need, the trail will be filled with lots of "Others", all raising a hand to each other.

Ashes..

2008-02-06T21:25:00.000-05:00

I love how people actually forget they have black ashes on their forehead so quickly after Ash Wed. service.
If we could see it would we leave it on long enough for others to see? If you say something to them, there is that "oh" moment.. their hand goes to their forehead... mumbling something about "Ash Wed.. church.. you know".. ( I confess I have known/and own this response) .

Sometimes the reticence comes more from the realization that we had so quickly forgotten the ashes were there.. forgotten already what we just participated in......the confession, repentence, forgiveness that has just taken place. We accepted the Grace, and move on.

We are called to not just move on, but beyond "serving our own interests" ( Isaiah 58) ...to removing the sins of the community. ( thanks Father Bry for this important connection)

We are called to action to " loose the bonds of injustice, undo the thongs of the yoke, let the oppressed go free." (Isaiah again)

This Old Testament reading from Isaiah for Ash Wed. begins..."Thus says the high and lofty one who inhabits eternity. Shout out. Do not hold back!"
Shout out your rejection of oppression. Shout out against the injustice of poverty. Break not only the bonds of our own sins, but also the sins that imprison others. "

Transformation is not only "inside" work ( taking the time to look at oneself, asking God to illuminate what needs to be healed and tranformed within us) But, it is also "outside" work.

Forget ourselves, forget our ashes, and in in acting on behalf of others, WE are fed, watered, rebuilt, and restored. And both are not for our sake, but for Gods sake and glory.

gone but never forgotten...

2008-01-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

Laura's pic of Mag ...How did you know 5 years ago that big frames, that are amazingly like your new glasses Laura, would fit the times of her demise?

Mag's ashes in white Dollar Store type box..... Now, how do we know they are hers if the Vet did not ask us if we wanted a private cremation? Don't ask... go with it.

Greg's sign.. which is a sign for where we are in the grief process.

Even the Roses are fading.. so I guess it is time to wrap up your things Maggie and tuck them away for another day.

A Living God

2008-01-22T21:36:00.000-05:00

Big Topic..

It was in my C.S. Lewis meditation tonight and it caught my heart. Just how living do I really believe God is? How alive do I allow you to be? How alive is the Spirit within me right now?

The distant days are either of my own making or your Grace. .....made bearable by the rememberance of consolations received, or gifted with the view of the black Pileated on the grey tree dipped in snow.The dulled days now can speak in quiet tones of your presence.

The sharp clear days give face to the psalmists words.." the assembly of your holy ones praises you." Psalm 89
Dulled day or brightly lit. Distant mind or captured heart. Spirit God you are alive and present.

Time spent with you Lord, it is the path.

2008-01-20T12:44:00.000-05:00

More people in the family.

More love.More grey hair ( greg and I )

Last pic of Maggie with the family.

All is fleeting...yet timeless.

20 straight days

2008-01-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

20 straight days of kids home for the holidays. Time so rich and full I cannot remember when everyone individually arrived, or left. We haven't had that stretch of time together since they all lived at home. Such a gift to be all together for so many days in a row.. it may not happen again for a long time... I am thankful to the depths of my soul.. where the Spirit rests, I imagine smiling at me.

Memory : standing on the porch with my coffee listening to the sounds/shreeks of 5 adults ages 22-31 sledding down the hills of Timberlee Christmas afternoon. I an glad I listened to the inner prompting to buy those sleds, even though I was already in the line to check out at Meijer.

Fullness of spirit is a grace much appreciated during some of the coldest, darkest days of winter. It is carrying me through to Lent, which comes early this year. May the journey through Lent, filled with letting go, emptying out, opening for newness, be held within the fullness of this grace given; the fullness of God.

Stretched

2007-12-22T20:53:00.000-05:00

Advent gift:
Having grown children come back into the house for the holidays is a widening experience. Everything seems bigger, stretched, expansive, full of love, laughs, and ...extra shoes around the front door.

Give me the grace to have my heart remain stretched so that I may love more deeply and widely, beyond the easy love for those closest to me to those in the world I may keep at at distance. Amen

The good things of GOD...

2007-12-03T22:37:00.000-05:00

I am reading and using two different books of reflection right now. The first is Saint Teresa of Availa for Every Day, by Kieran Kavanaugh, OCD, and the other is The Psalms: Meditations for Every Day of the Year, by Joan Chittister, OSB. I have just begun the December readings and today....synchronicity! Don't you love it when that happens?

Sister Joan's focus for the whole month is on Praise. In today's reflection she tells us to praise not just God, but people "in whom we see the gifts of God", urging us to "praise someone today".... , and to then "watch the good things of God multiply before your very eyes."

The reflection from Teresa of Avila, my spiritual giant and mentor, read- "If you see a person praised, the Lord wants you to be much happier than if you yourself were being praised." Now that is a hard one.. if I am not the one in control, giving the praise, what do I notice in myself? A bit of fear, a glimpse of jealousy, or a glad heart and and affirmation for the praise given? With whom do I feel the first, and with whom the later? And, why?

I have experienced it for my children, or husband....people for whom I have a kind of self-sacrificial love. The kind of love that borders on God's love for us.. a dim version, but it must be the joy God feels for us.

Herein lies some wonderful questions to take before God in prayer/quiet meditation, or to take to a spiritual direction session, so that the Spirit may shed light on what I most likely keep hidden from myself about this, and to ask for the grace of humilty, to "be much happier for the other, than myself".

Perhaps the "good things of God" Joan writes of include the gift of humility, and love for all others. For I suppose that is what God desires and intends to happen through praise, on His behalf.

May you praise others so that the things of God multiply before your very eyes.

Truth and the Anchor

2007-11-27T07:37:00.000-05:00

My son in law, Adam Allington, leaves for Iraq today, to be embedded with an army unit out of St.Louis, MO. He is a journalist, with NPR, and he wants to report on the experience, the reality, the Truth, for these soldiers. He will only be gone for two weeks, but somehow that does not aleviate our fear for his safety. The need and importance of this Truth that he will tell through his stories will be the sharp clear point that carries us through this scary time.

Adam's family and friends are of course praying for his safe return. Our prayer is the glue that will hold us together, binding us to the love we share with each other and to God's love for us. Our fear is what reminds us of the need for such binding. Our hope is in the grace we receive through this time. It is the hope that is the "anchor of our soul." Hebrews 6:17–20

vanished? found..

2007-11-14T11:23:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know it has been ages since I last wrote to the great void of people who actually care to know what's up with me.. but honestly does surgery and post surgical malaise due just fine as my excuse? Thank you very much.
I don't do recovery easily... anesthesia seems to lay around inside my veins waiting until I think I should be back into the fray of life to sneak out and lay me low.
It is humbling experience and at the same time a mirror into noticing if I am either 1.) much to hard on myself to be doing things much too soon after surgery (okay 9 days post surgery, and a two hour trip to Suttons Bay should not require a two hour deadman's nap, but alas it did); or 2.) noticing some creeping in of mild melancholy, and whining about how low my energy is and how this hurts or that aches.

Ginger came for a 3 day visit .. to tend to me.. hang out... walk... cook.. vacumm, dust... Thank God for daughters. Late fall arrived, and winter's scouts are scurrying around the yard, testing our readiness, sounding their warning.

It is all gift .. the acute attention focusing lens of surgery and waiting to hear about test results..
The dulled sense of the world and intense focus on bodily needs post surgery. The loosening of work's hold on my body.. relaxing of mind and body, time for meditation, time for noticing...

We are always being shaped and formed, but I appreciate this gift of distance from the world's concerns, to ask myself "what do I keep from this time, how has it shaped me, what is being transformed within?

You, Oh Lord, are kind, and full of compassion...... psalm 145

time...

2007-10-17T18:52:00.000-04:00

Well now, I really don't need another thing in my life that is niggling at the back of my mind to attend to.. so if you have checked here for words of mine...they will happen occasionally, when the mood strikes..

Between work and getting things done ahead of time at work for my not being at work for three weeks next month,... plus the housework I never seem to get to.. I decided not to make this another thing on the to do list, but to savor it much like that kind of time I see on the horizon near the end of a school year when I can sit and read to my hearts content. ..ahhhh

So the three weeks off thing: Surgery on the 29th... one week to become human again after anesthesia... and then a week to figure out if I feel somewhat normal as a female human with change in thyroid function ( too reminiscent of post hysterectomy time, which continues to this day) But, adventure awaits.. and days off from work.. yea...

Time to finish my application for completing Doctorate... time to contemplate and pray about the project.. Time to empty and be filled. Time to clean a closet maybe?

Time to re-member who I am when not working. Work is not who I am, but meaningful work offers the opportunity for who I am to surface. It is just that work at this time offers little of that powerful opportunity for self expression, and more of a time to see sides of myself that need attending. Thank you St. Ignatius for the instruction in noticing. Thank you Spirit for the nudges... Ask to be shown and stripped bare, and there you go.... it is right in front of me.

I remember that after my hysterectomy I actually lost the line between my eyes. (line= wrinkle)
When I was on silent retreat for six days the line faded....
THE LINE.. daily reminder of still holding on to control. so, I asked to be humbled, ask to be softened, but the line says there is more to be discovered on that road.

Sit today or tonight with the Spirit that is already at prayer within you.
Soften your heart to hear its prayer for you.

Peace

October 8, 2008

2007-10-08T21:21:00.000-04:00

Fall in Michigan means 90 degrees at 4:00 p.m. and 50 degrees by 9:00.. and that is a longer transition time then most. That's the weather update from TC.
Colors up here are dull to say the least this year, but somehow beautiful in a kind of softened, muted way that makes everything look like you are viewing it through a smeared lens.

But the softer colors do not make me want to iron leaves between 2 sheets of waxed paper....
and I actually found some people who had no idea what this is or what I was talking about....
and even though the kids are now adults.. I admit I still do it. Maybe I will ask the kids in the cul de 'sac if they want to iron leaves....take picture of look on their faces at this point..as they stare at scary wierd older neighbor woman ( not that old, but older than their moms, thank you very much)... But then I give them popsicles, so maybe they will buy it.

When it is this hot I do not want to empty out the flower pots filled with impatience/etc... to replace with pumpkins and corn stalks... I may skip the fall porch decor thing...

Weird day though of waiting to hear of thyroid biopsy results. No news and week old not hearing from surgeon news is good news, right?

Sit with the Spirit that is already at prayer within you tonight......
Say hello....

Spiritual Direction(s)

shine like the sun

One word of salt...

sounds like grace: Sermon, Easter IV, Year A, 2011 - Hope

Bear tracks

mid lent light

What you are must always displease you.....

Timed Light

Epiphany..again and again...

O'Antiphons

the end of summer

Start out slow..

Happy 4th of July 2010

More about standing in the question

How will it feel?

March .....in like a small lion

love

Soul's Song

metanoia

Risking Exposure

passing reminder

inspiration from Gigi

Filled

Harvest

all clear for landing

The story of Heaven

going within, but for what purpose?

What can I give?

titmouse bravado.

when is it spring?

e-lenten retreat

swamp walk

Finding

CA would be nice..

Truth filled moment

Thanks for the visit

thanks for the visual memories

Lo-bear

Let Nothing Disturb You...

eye surgery

but for the asking

Merlin - swan song

Veni Sancte Spiritus!

righteous snain

just start

love's response

Perfection

Madrina/Padrino

Open Space

The Graces of Saturday morning on the porch swing.

what life is like with a puppy... we forgot

raptors, puppy, and awe

joy

Surrender

just three things

spring, cycles, and true self..

Easter compass

Easter Eve

Dear Record Eagle:

Considering Fronds of Palm

The invitation of Light...

Wisdom's gift

Benzie County

Ashes..

gone but never forgotten...

A Living God

20 straight days

Stretched

The good things of GOD...

Truth and the Anchor

vanished? found..

time...

October 8, 2008